A Look Into a 21st Century Woman’s Dating Life

Dating in this day and age is hard. Especially when your family insists on setting you off down the aisle before they all die. Having your grandmother telling you she wants to see you married with babies before she dies isn’t really a good way to get a conversation started.

“Hi grandma”

“Honey look at you! You are so beautiful why aren’t you married yet? I want to see my great-grandkids before I die you know. I won’t be living for that much longer.”

“My day was great thanks for asking grandma.”

Mind you this only happens when I talk with my grandmother. My mother on the other hand likes to take matters into her own hands.

“Hey mom”

“Honey you will never believe who I ran into at the supermarket today.”

“Oh g-d. Who?”

“Remember that girl you went to middle school with, the one with weird face?”

“Um. No.”

“You know, the one who never talked to anyone.”

“Um. No but O.K. you bumped into her?”

“No. No I bumped into her aunt who has a cousin who has a friend who knows this woman that has a son that just graduated from medical school. Now I don’t know what he looks like but I hear he is a very nice boy and very sweet. And most importantly he’s Jewish so I gave Lucy your number so that she could pass it on to him. He’s going to facespace you so you better answer him back otherwise you will bring shame on this family.”

And so this conversation takes place and my number has been passed around all over the city and every mother, cousin, aunt, and grandmother with a single eligible man in her life decides that this will be the perfect match for me and I must meet him. These dates usually turn out like this:

Me: “So tell me what kind of movies do you like to watch?

Him: “I hate the movies. They are all just the same just with different titles and actors. I much prefer to stay in and take my computer apart and then put it back together.”

Me: “Oh well that sounds like fun. Do you read?”

Him: “You’re kidding right? Books these days are just trash. I would much rather stay in and take my computer apart and then put it back together.”

Me: “Yea you mentioned you like to do that. Well what about music? Do you have a favorite genre?”

Him: “I much prefer the classics like Bach and Mozart. Music today is nothing but computer generated trash that clouds the minds of young adolescents and makes them go on killing rampages. I much rather prefer to stay in and take my computer apart and then put it back together.”

At this point I excuse myself and run for the hills never to look back again.

These experiences in my life have helped me have an amazing perspective on my family. They are nuts. They should be institutionalized. They have made me fear for my future, for if they say that a woman becomes just like her mother as she gets older, then there is seriously no hope for me. But they are my family and I love them. And that stupid and blind love is what makes me go on these horrible dates again and again. For now I will just go with the flow and try not to let anything phase me. I am perfectly content to stay with the only two men in my life that will never make me hate them; Mr. Ben and Mr. Jerry.

—Valerie Tkach